For almost a year I’ve been having sleep problems. I can rarely get to sleep on my own but it was easily fixed by over the counter sleeping pills. The last couple days however…

I found myself being awake longer and longer each night but I would eventually fell asleep. The night before last that wasn’t the case. I was awake for about 30 hours. I’m sure we’ve all been up literally all night before but this time it was different for me. My brain was freaking out. I can only describe it as mental agony. That may sound dramatic but it wasn’t. I had dizzy spells; that “aura” thing when I walked around. My brain would rapidly switch from being hyper, to exhaustion. I was shaking, could barely eat and my behavior was odd and even though I KNEW I was acting strange, but I couldn’t really stop it. I didn’t feel like I had complete control.  Boredom and sleepiness blanketed all those sensations.

See, I’m the sort of person that needs constant stimulation or I quickly fall into boredom. Vegging out isn’t really an option for me. Even when I have the flu and I’m hugging the toilet, I’m usually reading between vomiting (I know, you didn’t want to read that) out of boredom, and it has the added bonus of making me feel more nauseous so I’ll empty the contents of my stomach faster. Okay, sorry for that grossness.

…ANYWAY

So yeah, the boredom thing…I did different things to try and occupy my mind since my repeated attempts of sleeping didn’t work. Tried video games to occupy my mind (even if it didn’t make me sleepy) and it made me dizzy so I had to stop. I tried coloring in a mandala to try and focus on something and enter a meditative state. Didn’t work, it made me dizzy.  Tried reading too and while it made me only slightly dizzy, it wasn’t comfortable.  Tried falling asleep to a particularly slow moving documentary and that didn’t work. I tried a slowly eaten hot meal but that didn’t work.  I didn’t have chamomile tea and we have no money so that was out and probably wouldn’t have worked anyway.

Last night…

I slept! I woke up once an hour but I slept! I feel far from normal but I still feel much better! The agony is gone and is replaced by that hollow sleepy feeling when you don’t get enough REM sleep. It’s a preferable feeling.

I’m going job hunting today and have to create a retail-oriented cover letter since the only one I have is ECD-oriented. This will be difficult for me because I hate retail but I’m not going to be picky about the job I have…at least until I get a career-type-job. Who wants to write my retail cover letter since I can’t really think of a good lie about how much I love retail and thrive in that environment! I don’t really feel up to doing anything but I need to do it. It’s been over a year and I’m not in mental agony anymore and it’s not like I can sleep more.

I’m worried that I’m developing a sleeping disorder. I’ve been unable to sleep unaided for far too long and apparently I’m gaining a resistance to sleeping pills (because they all have the same crap in them) and will need to go to the doctor to get a prescription…both of which I can’t afford.

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I have problems sleeping.

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4 thoughts on “I have problems sleeping.

  1. Sleep and I have long since had a rocky relationship. 13 years ago, I slept 20 hours a day out of pure depression. 10 years ago that changed to not sleeping for three or four days at a run because of my PTSD. That slowly improved to a lot of 30-something hour days. Then I decided that working third shift retail was a good idea… *face palm* My sleep schedule stayed screwy until I left there (this past March), but now is as close to “normal” as it seems to get. I’m usually asleep around midnight and up around 9am. Occasionally, I have to reach for the sleep aids because it’s 1am and I still feel as though I could clean the entire house and then run a marathon, but…it’s slowly gotten better. So, I know well how crappy that feels and hope that something works out and gets better for you, too.

    • Oo wow, and I thought I had difficulty sleeping! My difficulties stem from epilepsy, PTSD, anxiety and depression and epilpesy causes the majority of those things. It’s probably any or all of those. The doctor wasn’t all that helpful when I went yesterday.

  2. viefinale says:

    in regards to a retail job you could just say that you like keeping busy and being able to complete a variety of tasks. I guess it depends on how large of a company you will be working for, but working in a privately owned retail shop was one of my favorite jobs ever. I wasn’t glued to the cash register or any one post, I got to do all kind of various tasks so nothing ever felt tedious. Maybe you could go for the “I like lots of different challenges” thing.

    In regards to sleeping I don’t have much advice to offer because I have my own sleep struggles. All I know is that if I get into a routine the pattern will stick with me for a while. If it is having trouble falling asleep until super late or waking up in the middle of the night it will continue to happen until I forcibly stop it and create a new pattern for myself. Maybe try a couple days in a row of following the same schedule; like winding down by a certain time and using sleep aids at the same time everyday for a few days. Hopefully your body could get the hang of it and then take care of itself on its own once it got the hint. Humans are creatures of habit, consciously or not.

    • The retail thing is a good idea, thanks!

      I don’t know if the sleep routine thing will work for me. For months I’ve been taking sleeping pills at around the same time for awhile and I have these problems. I think I have something chemically wrong that needs to be corrected…or something. It’s not like I really know lmao.

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