Another night of not being able to sleep, so I thought I’d write a little bit.
A week ago I joined my old IRL friend’s server and her faction of alliance. The first couple days were pretty awesome. The people seemed cool, my buddy followed me, I even got the “small world” feeling when two of the people were actually from my town.
Then reality stepped in.
I don’t know why I try to play alliance. Every time I try shit goes badly. Despite it being a video game I’m starting to think that each faction has cultivated it’s own “culture” of players. That each side frequently attracts people of certain personality traits. Of course that’s not 100% true, as few things are, but that’s how it seems to me.
So, I go to Shadowmoon, which is a PVP server, and start to level my character. I find out that the horde population over there is disproportionate to the alliance side and all they seem to do is gank low leveling players. It was really frustrating. So I rolled tank and just did dungeons. That alone was annoying, but not enough to ruin all the fun.
That bit came later.
As fun as it was originally to enter the guild it wasn’t meant to be. I guess the free, fun atmosphere was moving away from what the leaders originally wanted it to be. They never really told us what, but suddenly swearing and jokes of a non-PG nature were not allowed. I’m an adult, I like to swear and I enjoy an adult sense of humor. You’re not supposed to act that way around the boyfriend’s parents or at work or at a funeral. You’re supposed to be able to be yourself when you’re someplace where you’re supposed to have fun with friends.
Later I find out there are members who are actually children in the guild. The no swearing thing made sense, but honestly, these 11 year old kids must hear worse at school everyday and say worse themselves. Most guilds I’ve been apart of are 18+ and these four or so people were clearly the minority and the concessions had been made. I get it, but it really sucks the air out of the room.
Alas, the guild was now akin to a Christian youth group than to something…I dunno, free and fun and liberating? Then the kicks came and a new friend I had made and her boyfriend were kicked unceremoniously and without reason, along with 45 other people. All without word or reason. The only reason I survived was because I was an IRL friend from way back when.
I was angry when I found out. It was unprofessional, to say the least. Guilds are supposed to be fun, but there is a sense of order and professionalism that comes to RUNNING a successful, respected guild and blind kicks aren’t okay. You fire someone from a job, you tell them why. Same principle applies.
So I asked her why my friend and her boyfriend were kicked (I didn’t know that the number was that staggering) and she was evasive about telling me. She eventually told me it was because she was a “bitch and the guys were tired of carrying her” and that surprised me, and my new friend. She hadn’t acted like that at all. She then refused to talk about it anymore and said if I’d like to talk about it some more to wait six hours so I did.
I had six hours to gather information while not “seeking it” and, you know, generally be a journalist about the whole thing. Six months of training in college is useful, that sounds silly to say but I learn quickly and well.
So, I waited, secretly armed with the knowledge I had, (wasn’t going to use it against her, but making sure I had the all the information to have my bases covered). So, when I asked her about it again, she was combative, refused to tell me the details of the reason, (the proof), but eventually relented, but thought I was challenging her and thought my honesty on the subject was disrespectful. I wasn’t though, I didn’t get rude or anything, I was just open about what I thought and it ran counter to what she wanted to hear. I reminded her that I was being honest and had said nothing rude and she said it was abrasive and I told her that I was abrasive in general and that she had probably just forgotten that after so many years. She told me that didn’t make it okay. Well, as she told me, “tough shit”, blatant honesty can be tough to swallow if it’s not what you want to hear. She certainly felt it was refreshing when it was on her side of things. So after the initial combativeness I got a guilt trip about IRL stuff, which is certainly something to be sympathetic to, but I didn’t move on the subject. Then it got combative again. Then the evasiveness that followed and said she didn’t want to talk about it. I reminded her that she invited me to the conversation if I had been willing to wait, and I had.
I stayed calm and firm and quickly saw the pattern of the argument and of how it was going to be handled on her end and settled in for the quick burn out that was to surely come. I was right. It was easy enough to come full circle. Once outrage at having her decisions being questioned and the morality behind them subsided, well, it was easy enough to have a mature conversation.
I told her that me staying in the guild wasn’t going to work out (I had actually figured that out a few days prior) and that I wasn’t mad, I was still her friend and I didn’t want this to hurt the friendship, but I morally disagreed with the strictness of the guild and the way the /gkicks were handled and it wasn’t something I was willing to be apart of. She told me she didn’t want me to go. I think I changed her mind quickly enough.
I told her that it ran counter to my personality and if I had known that it was going to be akin to a Christian youth group I wouldn’t have come. She quickly fired back that if she “knew I reveled in the offensive she wouldn’t have offered”. The quick jab was, personally, humorous and unsurprising, but was still untrue. I just said “That’s one way of putting it” and let it be. I had told her once that letting loose, exploring and using colorful language from time to time was extremely liberating and that she should try it. I can only expect so much from people raised in a severely Christian home though. I don’t mean that to be offensive, I just mean that frequently people who are raised that way don’t dare ‘revel in the offensive’.
She wanted to know how I was leaving so she could handle any “backlash” but I told her I had already left and it clearly hadn’t. Ninja vanish. Sort of. I don’t know what was said when I quit but if there HAD been any backlash she wouldn’t have said that.
I’m disappointed that things didn’t work out, I had thought I was joining a small guild of friends so there would be no drama. Instead it was just super controlling and I felt like I couldn’t say anything in the days leading up to this without some how being offensive. I could be ganked as a level 50 by three level 90s eight times in a row but could not express my frustration. “Damn horde” was a no-no. A favorite could ask all people to stop talking in guild chat because it ‘flooded his box’ and it would have to happen. Penis was a bad word.
…And poo-poo and pee-pee and penis and gay. Those are the 98 words we don’t say! – Futurama ‘Yo Leela Leela’. Episode 21 of the sixth season.
Yeah, that’s how it felt.
So, I’m back on my original server, Bloodhoof, and have fallen into the familiar comfort of the horde. My new friend and my buddy that followed me to Shadowmoon have followed me back. We’re going to make our own guild. The way we plan it is that we’re going to form a 10-man raiding group of friends. That way there will be minimal to no drama. Wish us luck in our success.