Response to a man who is angry, suspicious and distrustful of women. To the men who think that rape isn’t a serious issue.

Lmao, you’re one of the people who blame women for the rape if they dress only in “skivvies”? They could walk around naked and they wouldn’t be “asking for it!” Men who think women are asking to be raped need to re-evaluate their morality and reasoning skills. Maybe it’s time to update yours. …You think the only time men rape is in prison? How ignorant can you possibly be? Do you even know any victims? Or do you dismiss their suffering as well in defense of your own…I don’t even know why you’re so defensive. I don’t know you. I’m not even sure who you are in the guild. Do me a favor, if you’re going to be all Zoë-hate now just leave me alone and I’ll do the same. I don’t care for any friction in the guild. It’s bad for ALL of us as a community.

Okay, let me ask you this: I was raped when I was 19 by an ex-boyfriend who didn’t respond well to me trying to break up with him because he was so suffocating. I didn’t tell anyone for a year because I ‘ran away’ to Ireland after it happened to try and get away from the stalking. I dropped out of college and everything for two years. I was such a psychological mess that I could rarely leave my room on most days. Guess who showed up in Ireland trying to find me? I got a heads up from one of his “friends” so it was easy for me to fade into the background for awhile. Now tell me, am I lying? Am I crying rape because I didn’t report it out of fear of more physical harm and trying to protect my family? Am I to blame because he turned out to be such a monster? They don’t ACT like monsters in the first place you know. Once I realized it was all a mask I tried to get out of the relationship like a smart girl would. You know what happened as a result. Some people, men and women, just cannot accept “rejection.”

I deeply regret not going to the police right after it happened. I regret being so frozen in fear I didn’t scream. It was like someone just switched off the light in my brain and it was done. I finally DID report him after five years. He made my life hell for a long time, even indirectly. Even when I hadn’t seen him for a long time I was afraid he’d be on every street I’d turn onto. That I would wake up to pounding and yelling on my door. After awhile you get used to being a victim, which is whats so tragic about it and that’s why we need to be empowered enough to thrive instead living with victimization and never really recovering on the inside.

What really got me to report him was because I realized that he had child porn on his computer. There was a porno pop up on my computer once (and I had never watched porn) and it was all these clips of little girl’s vaginas and I literally threw up once I realized what it was. So five years down the line is obviously too late to perform a rape test. It’s my word against his so nothing came of it. I knew that before I told the cops though. I told them I knew nothing would happen but because of the circumstantial evidence felt the need to protect others, even if it just scares him off the idea. You know that pop-up haunts me to this very day? It’s in my thoughts and in my nightmares. Sometimes it’s a replay of what happened along side those pictures of those poor girls. I wake up screaming “NO!” every…eh I’d say four or five times over the years. Pretty much once per year since it happened. I mean, I have nightmares all the time but I don’t wake up screaming. It’s just hyperventilation and/or panic attacks. I have a knee-jerk reaction when it comes to children. I’m a pre-school teacher. My life revolves around trying to mold children into the sort of people that will create a future for their own children, and that those children will live much better and be much happier than our generation or our children’s. That is my personal life goal.

…The picture of the girls actually hurt me more emotionally than when I was hurt physically by him.

They told me nothing would happen unless he admitted it…and who would? As I said, I told them I didn’t expect any justice for me and I was fine with that. What I cared about was scaring him off from raping other women and children. If what I did saved even ONE person…man, woman or child…it would have been worth it. I would have been glad for the trauma because I saved unknown people from going through the same thing. I didn’t do the right thing at first; I’m ashamed of my cowardice and my poor reaction to danger. I had always thought of myself as a fighter.

I found out he has started doing the “gay for pay thing”…which I find morbidly amusing…in exchange for the things he wanted. He’a very materialistic. He was fired from his job at Radio Shack for stealing from work because he thought he deserved it. He was the kind of person that didn’t have anything on his iPod but wore it on a belt clip everywhere so everyone would know he had one.

Now, answer me truly for better or for worse: Do you reject my trauma simply because you don’t like me?

Don’t you get that rape is so horrible because its another form of “murder”? It’s just on the inside. It sets emotional necrosis from the inside out and it ruins your entire life. You have to fight every day in order to pretend to be normal. Thousands of women are exactly like me. Those that suffer, suffer. Many of us until our dying day. I’m lucky though…I gave myself closure by trying to possibly protect others. That was my therapy. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about the issue anymore. In fact, I care more because I’ve run that same gambit of emotional trauma. I mean, look up PTSD. It’s not just for war veterans.

Most of the time the rapists get away with it! It’s really only the worst cases that send men to prison. The worst of the worst gets publicized nation or world wide. Most people, men included, rarely tell people as soon as its happened. Want to know why? The stigma. They blame the victim. You even expressed a desire to lynch her before I nail YOUR ass to to the cross. You should actually read everything I wrote instead of skimming to the points that especially pissed you off! If you did you would see that I said…

“Now, most men would never, ever, ever want to rape someone. Most men I know would rather be castrated. As it should be. It’s one of the most vile acts someone can commit and it’s not unique to men. Women can be sex offenders too.”

Now how is that being a femi-nazi? I feel that I covered the issue very well. I decried the sexist “feminists” that you seem to think all women are and I brought reality to an issue that has been swept under the rug for over a millenia. Its only been in the last 100 years that women have succeeded in trying to…just keep themselves and their children safe from abuse and give them a bright future? What problem could you possibly have? I don’t want to say “You’re not a woman so you don’t understand” because that’s a worthless argument to make. Even if you know the facts you don’t understand what its like. You’re a white man in America. I have life a bit easier because I’m a white woman. It’s not the grandfather clause, it’s how it really is still. It’s better than it used to be, in some cases much better…but for both of us…it’s not enough. You have your trials and double standards like everyone else but not in the same way women and minorities (or a combo of both) do. You can sit on your chopper and feel like the most American thing on earth…women are STILL pressured to fit into molds that a lot of them don’t fit into. I don’t want to claim you don’t understand, but it’s the only thing I can think of though.

I gotta ask…Are you the kinda person that thinks a sexually promiscuous woman can’t be raped? I remember a few years ago reading about a high school aged girl who passed out drunk at a party and guys gang raped her and filmed it on their phones. Even women blamed her for being raped while being unconscious at a party. People carved “SLUT” and “LIAR” on her car and locker doors. and made her life even more of a living hell. Why? Because she was sexually active in high school. Yes, that was HER choice but that doesn’t mean “it’s the risk you run” adage is something real. They had video footage of the thing happening and people still didn’t believe her! How much more proof do you need? They even had video of guys bragging about raping her!

That’s why I ask you if you are that kind of person.

Why can’t you just admit that there is a serious problem world wide? 1/5 men. 1/3 women. Look around the next time you’re in a crowded place. Count them. I dare you. Hell, do it in traffic as you look around bored. If you don’t feel any compassion or pity after that then I’m at a loss as to what to tell you

I never said it was all men. That’s an assumption on your part so it’s pointless to even try to have an adult conversation with you. I don’t think you know enough about the issue to give a valid point on it. All you have are your personal opinions that are just about as opinionated, angry and self-righteous as you can get.

You know what? You have a right to be an ass about this as an American, even if you’re blaming the entire gender for what a few women do. You claim that I’m doing that but as I quoted above I did the exact OPPOSITE of what you claim.

You are the sort of person that NEEDS to understand this issue because people with your mindset are taking issue with the topic because you feel like you’re next on the firing line. Don’t want to be there? Don’t act like women don’t get raped. Don’t write all that you just wrote if you don’t want to be viewed as part of the problem. As they say “if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem” so…even if you yourself would rather kill yourself than rape a person that doesn’t mean rape is any less common or valid. Even if you yourself would never be a sex offender your suspicion of women who are victimized and your lack of compassion for them is detrimental to equality. Also with the job thing…you know how difficult it can be to find a job. If you have a job you stay put for as long as you can stand it to keep food on the table and a roof over your head and your children fed. It’s easy for YOU to say what people should do when you’re not in their situation. You shouldn’t judge people for things that don’t apply to you.

You could say I’m doing the same but I said it’s not all men or even most men. You chose to ignore that part. However, sexual harassment, victimization and physical abuse is finally getting the attention it deserves and because you just so happen to have a penis you feel like you have to dismiss the entire issue. We are both entitled to our feelings but at least I was polite enough to respect your opinion, even if you’re too angry to respect mine.

I don’t hate you. I don’t care enough about you to hate you. I just think you’re rude and prejudiced and I don’t think you’d be much fun to get to know if this is how you react to a stranger with an opinion, with such aggression, just because it’s different from yours. You couldn’t muster enough social skills to be respectful in a discussion. You made it into a shit storm and I’m not rising to your bate after this post. You didn’t insult me at all, you’re just being the sort of person that’s not worth my time trying to persuade. I dislike arguing with walls, when you’ve run out of breath the wall is still a wall. The wall remains unmoved, unfeeling, and cold. I feel like that analogy is fitting for this conversation.

I honestly don’t know why I’m still writing this when you’ll just skim through the whole thing and refusing to try and look through another’s eyes. You were all sorts of rude and you went on a tangent that had little to do with what I was talking about and all you could focus on was your prejudice and you even refuse to address the issue and force your opinions on someone else. Dude, you don’t even know me. Don’t talk to me that way just because you’re on the other side of the screen. You may not think you’re sounding sexist but your hatred and mistrust of women is really showing. You’re really simplifying a very complex issue. It’s your right to bitch but your view is extremely biased. As I said, if you have an issue with the topic then reply to the questionnaire. You get 500 words per question. You really should do it. As I said before, it’s important for Times to know both sides of the issue. Only men can provide that part. I encourage them to do so.

What the hell do you think it means when I say you need to teach men to not rape women? It’s exactly as you had said. Teach your children morality. That’s the same fucking thing. I never said put someone in a classroom and test them. It’s about teaching kids not to be creepers.

Why do you think men even have these double standards? It’s still a big enough of a problem to fight for. Both genders live a double-standard life. You’re right that men have a double standard on some issues too. Just women’s have been more prevalent and more…I don’t want to say high risk but something like that.

Basically, you blew the whole thing out of proportion because of your own paranoia of women. As you said yourself…you’re worried about women. Perhaps your social skills and the sort of women you go after are just shitty women and you need to raise your standards. I don’t find my men in clubs and bars like some of the situations you mentioned. I find my men in video game clans and libraries now that I’m out of school. I’m engaged now so I’ll never have to look again, which is awesome. He has been so understanding of everything I’ve been through and helping me heal. He has been amazing and I don’t know how I could have lived with this longer. I just wish he hadn’t started crying when he found out.

So there it is. You’re welcome to take it or leave it. You’re welcome to hate me or be indifferent to me. I only ask that no actual drama take place between us for the sake of our guild. Leave it in this post. Our guild is a rare guild and I’ve never seen such a mix of people in my life. We have homosexuals, heterosexuals, a transsexual, furries, Christians, atheists, agnostics, men and women. It’s the only guild that I’ve been in that didn’t personally run myself that was like that. NERV is a good mix of what humanity needs more of. Most guilds aren’t like that and I’ve been in almost a dozen over the near decade that I’ve played.

FYI a lot of the women in our guild have been victims of sexual abuse. It’s not my place to tell you their stories. They can tell you themselves if they want to.

One thought on “Response to a man who is angry, suspicious and distrustful of women. To the men who think that rape isn’t a serious issue.

  1. It’s a matter of treating another human being as one would want to be treated. Men who dismiss rape victims would most likely not survive a bugger-fest, if it happened to them. There is only one set of circumstances when sex is okay: When both parties agree, without coercion, and in a state of sobriety. Attire, reputation and sexual history have nothing to do with it.

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