Guilt

I don’t know how it happened.
I don’t know why it happened.
Everything changed that one night,
Ten years ago.

The desire for escape and salvation, that would end up in tears.
Unknowingly made things that much harder,
And for all of this, I am to blame.
Too focused on my wounded soul.
Too focused inward instead of outward.
It is my fault, I am to blame.

I don’t know how it happened.
I don’t know why it happened.
Everything changed that night,
Seven years ago.

The desire for education, that would end up in tears.
A way to forget the threat of domination, and calm my fears.
The joy is high, but so is the price.
I unknowingly made things that much harder.
Too focused on the defense of my wounded soul.
Too focused on a escape from it all.
It is my fault, I am to blame.

I don’t know how it happened.
I don’t know why it happened.
Everything changed that one night.
Six years ago.

The call from home was too much to ignore
Once again I reveled near California’s shore.
I was in the dark, safe inside my own head.
For once I was home-home, with nothing to dread.
But he had been abusive for so long, and I so fragile.
The stress broke me down, and now my brain is disabled.
Unknowingly making things that much harder.

Too far away to go home.
Too miserable to do anything but endure.
It is my fault, I am to blame.

Now here I am, looked down upon by all,
I have no money, nothing to offer the world.
I sit here all day in the haze of my guilt.
Wondering why oh why I let this all be all,

My fault.

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